From the desk of Beverley Cathcart-Ross|
June 2005
Feature
Daddy B. Good
Q: Our first baby is due in a month. I'm excited, but I don't know the first thing about being a father. How can I be a good dad? A: Like most dads-to-be, you have your own ideas about fatherhood. And that's a good thing, since being a “good dad” means different things to different people. Rather than striving to be “good”, do the best you can for your baby. There's no manual or step-by-step guide to becoming the World's Greatest Father. But these four fundamentals will get you off to a great start.
Open Up Naturally your focus is on the mommy-to-be right now. (You know... the one waddling around on swollen feet, worrying that she'll give birth in a taxicab.) But that doesn't mean that your feelings don't count. It's easy to get excited about becoming a father. What's not so easy is acknowledging your perfectly natural feelings of apprehension. You might be worried you'll get stuck in traffic and have to deliver your baby yourself. Or maybe you're afraid you won't know how to help your partner in her time of need. Perhaps you're anxious that your partner will be so busy caring for your newborn she'll forget you exist. Tell your partner how you feel now, after the baby is born, and even after he moves out and has his own kids! Don't keep your concerns to yourself because you don't want your partner to worry. She knows that becoming — and being — a father brings challenges at all stages, and she'll appreciate your confiding in her. Sharing your feelings now and over the years will only bring you closer.Be There Your baby's intense connection to Mom — especially if he's breastfeeding — can leave you wondering if he knows the difference between you and the diaper pail. Don't worry; he does. In fact, he's been getting to know you ever since he heard your voice from inside the womb. From day one you're an important person in his life . Being with you is comforting and soothing to him. And he'll bond with you faster the more you hold, rock, and sing to him. (Just be sure he has a full tummy so you'll have his full attention.) Be there for your partner, too. Use phrases like, “just let me finish my sandwich,” and “I will when this inning is over,” at your own risk! Taking over after breastfeeding will give her a much-needed break. So will whipping around with the vacuum and fixing dinner when you can. Lightening her workload will do wonders for your relationship and allow her more relaxed time with your baby.Dive In In his first book, Dr. Spock, the late paediatrician and best-selling author, wrote that men are subject to "clumsiness" around babies. His opinion changed in later editions — and everyone else's should too. Parenting is learned on the job by both moms and dads . No-one — not even your mother-in-law — knows everything there is to know about raising children. Today there's no question that a father can be a child's primary caregiver. Just spend time with your baby, and soon it'll be a piece of cake. The more you change diapers, bathe him, feed him, and be part of his daily life, the more you'll get to know him and his needs.Be Yourself It's natural to remember your childhood and think that, for better or worse, you'll follow in your old man's footsteps. To your Dad, being a “good father” meant providing you and your siblings with three meals a day, a home, and an education. He might not have spent as much time with you as you will with your kids. But he did what he thought was best, given what society expected of him at the time. Your Dad is just one influence on the kind of father you'll be. Try to see fatherhood as a role you grow into as you explore the possibilities. Take what you like best about your father, teachers, coaches, friends, and relatives to create your own identity as a dad. Anyone who has nurtured you can be a great role model.Leave a Lasting Imprint A positive father-child relationship takes work. It can't be built in a day, and it takes a lot of time and energy. But by being the best father you can be, you'll not only help your children grow up healthy and happy, but also leave a lasting imprint on them for the rest of their lives. Your writing to us shows that you've already set out on your journey into fatherhood. Enjoy building on your foundation as your baby grows and thrives!Edited by Tanya Ross for the Parenting Network. May 18, 2005. Source: BabyCenter.com 's Bruce Linton is a licensed family therapist, founder of the Fathers' Forum programs for new and expectant dads, and the author of Finding Time for Fatherhood.
Beverley Cathcart Ross Certified Parent Educator
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